Prayer

So, I am starting to reach the point where I'm not upset about other people being pregnant. I think it is because I have been thinking a lot about why I may be going through this trial. I think one of the reasons may be, so that I can help others. I babysit a lot for friends, I help out a lot with my siblings. We are even able to help out financially a lot. I know it would not be possible for us to do these things if we had children.
I've also felt more of a peace lately when it comes to the subject of pregnancy. I found out recently that 2 more of my sisters are pregnant. I am so excited about that! Sometimes when I'm praying to get pregnant (which I do every night), I think about what other people in my family need. Before my brother got married, I used to pray that if it was between him finding the right girl to marry, or me having a baby, I would rather him get married first. If it is between me having a baby, or one of my sisters having a baby, I would rather have my sister (who has also been trying hard to conceive) get pregnant.
I know prayer doesn't really work that way, but it brings me peace to see them have these blessings, that I have been praying so hard for them to receive.
I will get pregnant soon, I will have children, but until then, I am going to do everything I can to take care of my extended family, because I really think that that is what I am supposed to do right now.

As for the recent pregnancy fight, I went in for an HSG test. I like to call it a hysterical. Wow, yes, that was painful. I almost cried. I almost cried again, when they told me how perfect my tubes looked. I guess I am more beautiful on the inside! Ha! I am now going to be starting some progesterone, and possibly Metformin, although the side effects of that drug scare me. Next month, I will be starting Clomid too, so I'm excited about that too. Yes, things are looking up!

A New Approach

I have changed my blog name, and also changed my fight in getting pregnant. A couple of weeks ago, I started the whole process over. Took all the beginning blood tests, and just Wednesday the ever fun ultrasounds. Ultrasounds themselves, no big deal except for the need to pee. Vaginal ultrasounds however, not fun. For some reason, I got that pleasure twice this week.
Last weekend, I was thinking about babies. No big surprise there, that seems to be where my mind is all the time. However, this time it really felt like it wasn't going to be long before I had a baby of my own. I'm truly hoping that this was some sort of inspiration, and not just a hope because of all the coming doctor's appointments.
Next week, husband gets his sperm test done again, and we'll see where things go from there.

Diaper Bag Giveaway

It's been so long again since I've posted. Just busy I guess. Anyway, while I am still not pregnant, I am still trying. So much to talk about in that area, but not right now. Currently, I am really obssessed with Petunia Pickle Bottom. How amazing are these diaper bags!? They are so beautiful, and practical. There is a great blog giving away one of their bags, until March 29. Make sure you go and enter.
Just because we aren't pregnant yet, doesn't mean we can't be prepared, right?

Birthday

Church was hard this week. I couldn't seem to concentrate on the lesson in Sunday School. All I could hear was all the babies in the classroom. Being Mormon, and not being able to have children, is really difficult. Children are everywhere you look. I don't think that's bad at all, I just want to be a part of it. Then I started thinking again about how I am going to be 27 in a week.
I am really dreading this birthday. I can't believe that I am going to be 27, and yet I still have no children.
It feels like everyone is giving up on me having kids. I feel left out on conversations about children, conversations about trying to get pregnant. I don't know why, but even my sisters don't really talk to me about this anymore. I am excited about them having children. It does hurt some, but overall I'm excited. I love my niece and nephew more than I can express. I can't get enough of them. I guess people feel that telling me they are pregnant is going to hurt me, but honestly, being left out hurts more.
Ugh. Just some venting, because this blog is my only outlet for it. Anyone else out there feeling this?